would you impose your will

look, first thing’s first, i know that résumé revision and getting a job and all that shit is important. okay? i do know that. honestly, i do.

but hey, mother, you wanna know why i don’t tell you about my writing? why i never want you to read anything i’ve written? why i don’t talk to you about fanfiction anymore?

it’s because i know you’ll dismiss it as a hobby, and either try to figure out ways to make it into a career, or pressure me to tout it as a ‘special skill’ or whatever, or you’ll side-eye me about wasting time i could be dedicating to looking for a job, and ‘well, i just think you need to be careful to prioritize things,’ etc. etc. etc. what the fuck ever.

great. great, fantastic, i was right in the middle of writing the last scene (the last scene) of this fic, i would’ve been done, and now my motivation is shot to shit. great. awesome. i’m so glad that happened, that was a great conversation we were just having.

 

god fucking dammit.

 

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lady in the looking glass

hey so anyone else really hate their family?

not all of them i guess, and not all the time, but, you know, sometimes it’s hard to remember which is which.

confused? uncle stuart is visiting.

yeah. cleared that right up.

i think the thing is, when he calls on the phone, it’s because he has a specific thing he wants to talk about, a specific goal to accomplish, so i forget when i’m not talking to him face to face how awful it is trying to converse with him. he is the worst conversationalist i have ever met, or at least the worst one i’ve been repeatedly forced into conversation with. for fuck’s sake, i try to talk to him about stuff, sort of, for awhile, but his answers are either “okay” or like, some monosyllabic sullen teenager shit, and i have nowhere to go. dude’s gotta learn to “yes and”!

and i know i’m uninviting to him, i know i am, but even when i do really put effort into talking with him, which does happen sometimes, he’s still totally unresponsive and it’s like i’m talking to a fucking tree! except with even less exchange of ideas! unless i say something he disagrees with, then there’s this passive-aggressive little “oh hm well for xyz reasons that’s ridiculous but you know that’s just how things are so whatever.”

oh, but, mom came in here to chew me out for not making him feel welcome after coming all the way to new york to visit his mother (to be fair, i didn’t actually know why he was coming, and the only reason i knew he was coming at all is that i looked at mom’s schedule, but she still doesn’t know i do that and i wasn’t gonna tell her i have access to her iphone on my laptop just for this), and staying at our house (that is not a plus for me, and it’s not him doing something nice, it’s you doing something nice, because he’s family), and i made her sad and i think embarrassed? there might have been another adjective, i forget.

anyway the point is you know how when i was a kid and i did poorly on an exam or something, dad would just be like “are you gonna do better next time?” and i would feel like absolute shit for being such a disappointment? well, good news, this time around all i felt was boredom. also i was wondering how long it would take for her to get over it, but mostly boredom. sociopathy ftw!

ugh, i guess i have to be like…extra nice and chatty when they get back…

i hate my family.

b613

i started playing “dream daddy” because it was getting all this hype and, you know, gay dating sim, what’s not to like, so i found a bootleg download and i tried it on my own and got frustrated with my sub-s ranking, so i found a guide and followed it to s rank for one of the routes, and i gotta tell you…

it’s pretty boring.

the game, i mean, the game is pretty boring. it’s not like a japanese dating sim where you have to build up affection or whatever; you go on a set number of dates with these guys and you have to answer every interaction exactly right, as well as ace these stupid fucking minigames (they suck and i hate them), and the story is like…fine, the pc’s daughter is pretty good i guess, and the pc is…also fine, likeable enough, but seriously there’s one dateable character who i even like, even just as a person, so the only real motivation to play the other six routes (i think it’s six) is completion, which i won’t get anyway because i only got an a rank on the last fucking minigame in mat’s route because i have no fucking idea how to play that stupid thing, but i mean most of these guys are just dicks. no double entendre, i mean they’re annoying, annoying people.

so a+ for representation, because i mean the character creation screen lets you make your character trans if you want and one of the dateable characters is canonically trans (i think) and you can make your character gay or bi (or headcanon them as pan i guess?) and there’s a mix of black and white characters with non-uniform character designs and stuff, but there is a lot of text, the gameplay is very linear (seven branching paths, but each of them is very linear), and it’s just boring. i don’t know how committed the other relationships end up, but in mat’s route, you just sort of get the sense that they’ve started dating? sort of? the narrative says you’re hanging out a lot more and you kiss a couple times, so i assume that’s what’s going on. it’s not very satisfying, and there aren’t any pictures. granted, with a character creation, it would be hard to have pictures of you together, but i know it can be done because i’ve seen it in other games.

we’ll see if i get around to playing through the other routes, but i’m really glad i didn’t waste any money on this thing. 3/10 would not recommend.

eta: fuck it, i deleted. read some reviews on steam that seem pretty spot-on; apparently replayability is as boring as i was anticipating, so i think i’ll spare myself the trouble.