The Love Spell Potential

This episode makes me very uncomfortable.

It’s like all the character development they’ve been putting off and putting off and putting off for six seasons is suddenly being crammed into about fifteen minutes.

I don’t like Amy Farrah Fowler, and I don’t like the idea of Sheldon in an active romantic relationship.

Amy’s presence is actually starting to push me towards the Sheldon/Leonard pairing, which I had previously been aware of and disregarded. Apparently it’s called “Shelnard.” That’s stupid. Pairing names are silly.

Remember when Amy was introduced and she was all “I find the notion of romantic love an unnecessary cultural construct that adds no value to human relationships”? I remember that. That was good. They should’ve kept that. They should’ve kept that and hung onto her character for like a three-episode mini-arc and then moved her to Malaysia or something, because if they’d kept that shit around it would’ve been just a transparent second Sheldon and ain’t nobody got time for that.

But, they didn’t, and now she’s all needy and shit. Seriously though, why are Penny and Bernadette friends with her? Well, first of all, why is anyone friends with Penny, but ignoring that. Amy is awkward, needy, socially retarded inept, sexually and emotionally desperate but repressed (a wild tangent from her character introduction), demanding, and totally self-centered. The only “evolving” her character has done has been to become more lusty and try to change Sheldon from the person he is (re: asexual [yes he is, even though they’re trying to go back on that (bad writing!)] and having Asperger’s [which he definitely does, even if no one will admit it, and it’s not a form of craziness, it’s a disorder]) into the person she’s decided she wants him to be (i.e., a more “normal” boyfriend, which, seriously, if that’s what she wants, she’s gotta go somewhere else).

Okay now, speaking of Penny, she and Leonard are a terrible pairing. I mean, terrible. She’s legit dumb as a post and really doesn’t show a whole lot of intelligent growth; I mean, yes, she asks Sheldon to tutor her in physics, but she doesn’t learn anything.

Thank god for lifeless dorks making this proof so much easier:

Sheldon: Now, remember, Newton realized that Aristotle was wrong and force was not necessary to maintain motion. So let’s plug in our 9.8 meters per second squared as A and we get force, Earth gravity, equals mass times 9.8 meters per second per second. So we can see that MA equals MG and what do we know from this?

Penny: Uh, we know that…Newton was a really smart cookie. [“Smart cookie,” because that’s a thing that people say.] Oh! Is that where Fig Newtons come from?

Sheldon: No, Fig Newtons are named after a small town in Massachusetts. Don’t write that down!

Penny: Sorry.

Sheldon: Now, if MA equals MG what does that imply?

Penny: I don’t know.

Sheldon: How can you not know? I just told you. Have you suffered a recent blow to the head? [Holy crap is that an example of Sheldon exhibiting character consistency?]

Penny: Hey! You don’t have to be so mean!

Sheldon: I’m sorry. (Smiling) Have you suffered a recent blow to the head?

Penny: No, you just suck at teaching. [Yes, that’s exactly what you want to say to the guy who’s doing you a favor by trying to teach you something you asked him to teach you.]

Sheldon: Really? Of those two explanations, which one seems the most likely?

Penny: Oh, God, Sheldon, look I’m trying to understand, but you’re going too fast. [Okay, that’s legitimate.] Can you just back up a little bit?

Sheldon: All right. It’s a warm summer evening in ancient Greece…

Penny: Not that far back!

Sheldon: Okay! At what point did you begin to feel lost?

Penny: I don’t know. Where were we looking up at the night sky?

Sheldon: Greece.

Penny: Damn it! [Wait, wait, he just said it. Like three times. It’s a warm summer evening in ancient Greece.]

Sheldon: There’s no need to get frustrated, people learn at different rates. [Atta boy!] Unlike objects falling in a vacuum, which…? MA equals MG? [Okay, so he just gave her the answer. No really. “People learn at different rates, unlike objects falling in a vacuum.” I.e., objects falling in a vacuum fall at the same rate. Which is the opposite of falling at different rates.]

Penny: Squared? [If MA = MG, then MA =/= MG² unless MA = MG = 1, or 0, and given that 9.8m/s² = A, and I am certain M =/= 0, the only conclusion I can reach is that Penny is stupid.]

Sheldon: No.

Penny: Aristotle? [Right, because that was going to be the answer.]

Sheldon: No.

Penny: Five?

Sheldon: Oh!

Penny: Then I don’t know.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?

Penny: Because I’m stupid! [I was right!]

Leonard: Most people aren’t that interested in what I do.

Penny: Actually, that’s not true, Leonard. [No, I’m pretty sure it is true.] In fact, recently I’ve been thinking that given the parameters of your experiment, the transport of electrons through the aperture the nano-fabricated metal rings is qualitatively no different than the experiment already conducted in the Netherlands. Their observed phase shift in the diffusing electrons inside the metal ring already conclusively demonstrated the electric analogue of the Aharonov-Bohm quantum-interference effect. [That’s super. Now tell me what it means.] That’s it. That’s all I know. [Yeah, I thought so.] Oh, wait! Fig Newtons were named after a town in Massachusetts, not the scientist. [Dumbass.]

Also, from that other episode, the one with Bob Newhart, bless him:

Penny: If you don’t mind me asking, uh, the potato clock — how does it work? Is it a trick clock or a trick potato? [It’s not a magic trick,  dumbass.]

Professor Proton [to Leonard]: What do you two talk about? [Nothing.]

All right, so, beyond that, what do they have in common? He’s a successful (or so we’re told; he has a steady job, so I guess that’s something) scientist, and she’s a struggling (re: wannabe) actress with very little talent, from what we’ve seen; hell, she played Blanche in her class’s production of Streetcar Named Desire and she didn’t even try to pull off a southern bell accent or anything. I mean there was nothing. And her delivery was kind of wooden. Maybe that’s just Kaley Cuoco making an acting choice, but why would she choose to make Penny a bad actress? I think the more likely conclusion is that Kaley is a bad actress, therefore Penny is also a bad actress, which explains why she hasn’t had any success. Well, kind of. Mostly.

Right, moving on, he loves comic books and collectibles and science fiction everything, and she loves pop culture and hanging out with attractive (usually stupid) guys and going to yoga classes or something. They’ve even tried to get each other interested in their own hobbies, sort of, to no avail.

So…I think they have nothing in common. But wait! That doesn’t mean they can’t be a couple! Opposites attract and all that! Actually that’s not true; in general, talking about anything other than magnets, opposites don’t attract, or if they do, they don’t stay together very long without a firmer common foundation underneath the superficial differences. That’s not the point, though. The point here is that they don’t even seem to particularly like each other.

They have sex, yes. That’s a thing couples (and non-couples) do. Fine. They’re lovey-dovey with one another. But it doesn’t seem to be genuinely affectionate so much as them acting like a couple simply because they are. She’s constantly making fun of him and his lifestyle, and not in a teasing way, either; I mean, “Aw, so cute when you use the word ‘cool’ wrong. Like when kids say ‘pasghetti.'” How is that not malicious? Or at least bitchy. He’s talking about something that he is legitimately interested in, and she dismisses it offhand as stupid without even understanding what it is. And then he submits to her without question! “I used ‘cool’ wrong again, didn’t I?” No! If you think Professor Proton is cool, then it is correct usage.

I’ve decided, “Not Even Close…Encounters” is a perfect antidote to everything The Big Bang Theory.


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