Cassie Blake was your average 16 year old sophomore in high school. [Well obviously she’s in high school, she’s 16.] She was known by most of her friends as CJ, just because there was always someone else in her class named Cassie. [From where is this “J” originating? I.e., what the fuck if you wanted to name her CJ then just name her CJ.] It would just make her teacher’s lives easier, though they could just use her last name. [Is this relevant to the story? No? No, so stop talking.] It just works better for them if she went by CJ. [Yeah, I got it, thanks, shut up.] She wasn’t your typical high school student [Hold it! Your Honor, there’s a contradiction in the witness’s testimony!] who did the bear [bare] minimum in any class. CJ was always taking the hardest class possible, and doing well in it. [MARY SUE ALERT.] Rumore
d had it she could easily graduate a year early, and as the valedictorian. [Captain, she can’t hold much more of this bullshit!] But she chose to graduate with her class. [How very…humble?]
She was also a talented musician, took as many music classes as it would fit into her schedule. [This is atrocious.] Cassie could play any instrument you gave her, literally. [Wha─ I thought she was a typical high school student!] It would sound like she’s been playing for years. [I bet the author either is a (resentful) musician or wishes she was (a talented) one.] She played bass clarinet for marching band, concert band, wind ensemble (highest band class her high school offered
. [How precious.]) as well as baritone saxophone for jazz band. [So in actuality she plays only two instruments.]
Cassie started her day like all other students who had a 7 am class, went to every one of her classes, talked to her friends, and after another 9 hour school day went home around 4:30 from marching band practice. [Not. Average.] Today seemed different from other days, well besides the fact that she had extra chores to do like picking up/dusting/vaccuming the dining room and kitchen for some sort of funeral party [Funeral party?] cuz [And there goes your credibility, right out the window. Bye, credibility! Bye!] her mom was allowing a friend of hers to use their house. [For a funeral party.]
She knew today felt different, but couldn’t explain what [how?] or why. Cassie finished moving some stuff in the dining room that needed to be placed in the living room when she noticed a strange figure in a bathrobe [Not a bathrobe, you racist little shit.] and a turban on his head standing in the hallway.
“Who are you?”
She asked. [How about “What are you doing here?” or “Get out of my house”?]
The strange man walked into the bathroom and she ran towards him to get some answers. [As opposed to ran away from him or to the phone to call the cops like a normal human person.] There was something familiar, something oddly familiar [Not just familiar!] about this guy that Cassie couldn‘t place.
“Who are you?”
She asked again. [Surely he will answer if I ask him a second time!]
The guy looked at her once again, those blue eyes of his [“His blue eyes.” Don’t try gettin’ fancy here, kid.] reminded Cassie… of… a … guy… named *the narrator looks away and takes a long pause.* [What the everloving fuck.] Shadi.
The strange man walked into the bathtub. [Quick! My kingdom for an ice pack!] Cassie couldn‘t take the silent treatment anymore from this guy and started running towards the guy, but only made it two feet [Wait a second… Running two feet? That’s maybe a step and a half. At best that’s a powerful push off the ground with your back foot, not really “running.”] before mysteriously passing out. [Well at least we’re done with her, so that’s something. Oh, no, wait… There’s a Chapter 2. Well shit.]
I couldn’t force myself to slog through much of it, but Chapter 2 (wherein the author plainly and without any sort of evidence to support her views displays her hatred of Tea Gardner [because Yami/Yugi is/are (ew) going to end up madly in love with her OC, goddammit!]) not only reveals Cassie to be a wonderful singer and quite the little Egyptian scholar, but also a good enough duelist to beat Yami and Yugi. But…Yami was going easy on her? JFC, girl, have you ever even seen the show? Yami doesn’t go easy! That’s like 113% of his character!
Also, random and unnecessary switch to first person narrative.
Cardcaptor Sakura time!