RESERVior

So this girl’s picture pops up in my deviantArt inbox because it was submitted to Puzzleshippers Unite (for reasons which elude me) and first of all, she says in the description “apparently at my school there is a thing called Pi Day” and I’m just like “March 14 happens everywhere, cupcake,” and then she says she “put as many Animes / Video Game themes into the picture as i possibly could do!” and also “Try to see which ones you can spot!”

Excluding the two she stuck in from her own manga…

Inuyasha, xxxHolic, Super Mario, YuGiOh!, Legend of Zelda, and for some reason Winnie the Pooh and Hobbes plus a thing that looks like the eye of Xana from Code Lyoko.

So I mean like, good on her for wanting to do this and stuff, but…

As many as she possibly could?

I’m a little sad that she’s so proud of this low hit count.

If you’re gonna be an anime nerd, then be an anime nerd.

On the subject of nothing relevant, apparently in Elementary, they made Moriarty a woman.

Dude what the fuck. Watson, okay, I don’t like it but I get it, but…you know Sherlock Holmes was invented in a time which is vastly different from this one, right? The story and all its everything is completely different, from a completely different mindset. It is wonderful and amazing and perfect the way it is (not really, I suppose, that’s a lot of pressure, but…I don’t care) and you do not fuck with that shit. Get your shitty fanfiction off my TV.

You know what it is? It just occurred to me, whimsically changing all these genders fundamentally changes the relationships between these characters. Not that everything needs to ultimately be boiled down to sexual attraction (I think Elementary has been fairly clear, or so I’ve heard, that Holmes and “Joan” will never become an item), but making Sherlock Holmes’ archenemy and arguable intellectual equal into a woman (Irene Adler, I’m ignoring you for the moment) makes their dynamic undeniably different. It’s like, okay, as soon as I saw “Joan” Watson was replacing John, it smacked of hyper feminism like whoa. Hey guys, I get it, you’re trying. Too hard, but you’re trying. That’s sweet. I guess. Or something.

But then suddenly all the major players are being swapped around, and Moriarty’s new tagline is “As if men had a monopoly on murder,” and I’m like “Get out of the kitchen, kids, you’re setting the coffee on fire.” And then what the fucking fuck, Adler and Moriarty are the same person? The same woman person? The same psychopathic woman person? And then they trap her with a fake overdose you’re-in-a-coma-Holmes-let-me-just-explain-to-you-every-bad-thing-I’ve-ever-done moment? And it works and they arrest her?

You’re not just setting the coffee on fire, you’re sticking a fork in the goddamn toaster.

Let me clarify one thing. It’s not that I hate the idea of a female mastermind criminal on an apparently quite popular show. It’s not that I hate the idea of a recovering addict with a female caretaker with whom he will never strike up a romantic relationship and she’s apparently pretty capable herself. It’s not that I hate the twist of the love interest being the attempted murderer.

It’s that this is pretending to be Sherlock Holmes.

This is not Sherlock Holmes.

I don’t know what this is, but it is not that.

Stop pretending to be that.

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