the world spins madly on

fyi, here’s the scene for the last few weeks:

japanese class (summer intensive at u of m) is now beginning its ninth/ten week. ethan tucker, who is precisely 16 years old, began the course in the midst of week two, if i recall correctly, which i believe i do. he was able to accomplish this by having some history taking japanese in high school. (seriously though i could’ve skipped the first week and a half too, but i didn’t because i’m not a little shit). he’s actually been to japan. like omg whoa. on a school trip i think, to tokyo probably. so, you know, japanese culture! probably not a lot.

so in class today, where i swear to god i was the only one who was awake, we’re studying chapter 10 of the textbook, including the ~つもりです and the adjective + なる structures. admittedly, these forms are fairly straightforward and don’t take too long to grasp, but, you know, different strokes for different folks and all that. we’re reviewing it quite a lot, which isn’t the worst thing in the world; i’d rather review too much than too little, after all.right in the middle of class, sort of under his breath but not really (but 安田先生 wasn’t going to hear him, for sure), tucker leans back in his seat (quite an ordeal when he’s spent the last ten minutes or so slumped over the desk like a vagrant) and huffs, all exasperated-like, i shit you not, 「つまらないですよ。」

i am gobsmacked.

hey, you little fuck, your parents, i would wager, are spending a lot of money ($3000, if i don’t miss my guess) for you to take this class because you think you’re such hot shit in japanese with your limited previous experience and your actual pronunciation of the “u” at the end of です and the one in the middle of 好き and you appear to have some mild interest in the culture (but not really) and your shitty intonation that makes you sound like an arrogant prick and your refusal to take responsibility and be accountable for your own actions (you spill soda on my bag and you immediately clean it up [or at least offer to do so], you don’t casually look down and remark that oh you guess you’ll go get some napkins or something). you’d better start fucking appreciating this opportunity, got it? and while you’re at it stop saying “i’m just saying” and “i don’t know why. we just should” because as soon as you say either of those things, a giant blinking neon sign appears over your head that says “i am being insecure and defensive and passive-aggressive” and it makes me want to punch you, right on the nose, not to mention disregard everything you say that comes after it and everything that came before.

he’s like a living breathing walking talking definition of “douch canoe.”

i want to beat him up, i really do.

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