niche interest group

Just read about 60% of The Succinct Bucket List Corollary (that sounds like the title of an episode of “The Big Bang Theory”) by OpalJade… The UN sounds familiar, I have a feeling I’ve read and been unimpressed by something of hers before but I don’t recognize the titles of any of her other works.

Anyway, the point is that the story is cute but the characterization isn’t very good, so I read the first chapter and then skipped right to the end of the second; it loses steam right quick, good thing the chapters aren’t super long. But the real point is that Sherlock makes a bucket list:

Travel to Egypt and solve great pyramid conundrum (i don’t even know what this is)
Raise bees (yeah, that’s legit)
Expedition to the Amazon (find lost city Z) (not totally convinced this is a real place)
Finish proof of Riemann Hypothesis (share profit with JW) (no submitted proofs have yet been accepted as correct)
Solve the Black Dahlia Murder (a real thing that really is unsolved at present)
Langley, Virginia; decode the 4th Kryptos inscription (a real thing that really is unsolved at present)
Walk along ‘Severed Foot Beach’ in British Columbia. (to figure out why severed feet consistently float ashore. Possibly keep one for myself.) (not a mystery)

My biggest irritation with this list, aside from the fact that most of the items are random and pointless (e.g., the great pyramid conundrum, if it’s what I think it is, is really an archaeological concern that has nothing to do with crime solving, and the Lost City of Z is probably fictional), is that “Severed Foot Beach” is more like the shore along the Georgia Strait, and it’s not a mystery at all; the feet detach from the bodies they come from due to decomposition and are largely attributed to suicides. It’s been established for at least four years and isn’t a phenomena exclusive to that area; modern sneakers with considerable air content lead to this occurring a lot more often than it would have in “the old days.”

I think the whole story just feels really lazy.

backyard

why is it that when authors cite artwork specifically designed for their stories, e.g., “Khorazir did an AMAZING Macbeth poster here”  (although tbh I know Khorazir’s art isn’t good, like, ever, but for the life of me I cannot figure out what it is that makes it a) so recognizable or b) so terrible) or “Lovely cover art done by johnlockforthewin, found here,” there’s like a 95% probability of it being amateurish and terrible? i mean i understand the impulse to brag that art’s been made for your work, and definitely the kindness of thanking the artists for their time and effort, but… i’ve seen some really wonderful things come out of this fandom, i really have. i guess those people all just have better things to do with their time?

i of the storm

i think amanda abbington is quite ugly. i also find her online presence uncouth and irritating, and her acting to be adequate but altogether mediocre, which leads me to be disinterested in her as a human being. i find martin freeman to be quite a good actor but not a significantly handsome human specimen. i do not think his attractiveness is at all increased by his having a beard. i think benedict cumberbatch is aesthetically pleasing and a fantastic actor. i have no opinion of or particular interest in sophie hunter.

these are my opinions.

モンスターボール ☆!

kelley: We’re both gemini’s! ❤
brontë: High five! 🙏 We’re so hated but we’re so great. Also Morrissey is also a gemini which only serves to further prove our greatness.
kelley: I find the gemini hatred thing really funny because everyone loves me? HUHUHUHUUU. If Morrissey is a gemini then we’ve been blessed.

oh, they’re both gemini? well now i understand why they’re so obnoxious and fucking annoying! (dear kelley: no. no no no. no. darling, i follow you because you post OWAN and i like [most of] it and i want to read it as it’s updated without having to check another tag. i don’t love you, and a lot of the time i don’t really like you. beginning really when i first watched your intro video, man was that self-centered.)

columbo

i happened to be online just as kelley announced she was doing a livestream for the cleaning and coloring-in of her most recently finished commission, and i decided to check it out; you know, why not, there’s always something to learn, they’re sociable events, etc. etc. etc.

i lasted about five minutes before i remembered why i don’t like to stick it out for livestreams.

they are so, so boring.

all the friends are chatting, totally cutting new people out of their conversations and being 100% unresponsive, and the work itself is so dull. it’s like watching someone level-grind, i swear to god. dull. i mean i guess i’m glad they’re enjoying themselves (actually i don’t give a fuck whether they are or not) but get me the hell out of there asap.

everything we eat is shaped like a dinosaur

Holy shit! It’s another wild Highly Recommended and Really Bad Sherlock Fic! (“Be Here Now”)

Soooo long…soooo boring…

Well, no, it was pretty compelling at first; ehh, not compelling, maybe, but it moved fast enough that I kept up and was like, interested in seeing what would happen. Then Chapter 6 comes along and all of a sudden Sherlock is shot (at this highly protected and very isolated compound where there are cameras monitoring everything and Mycroft is on high alert) and in critical condition and John is immediately snapped all the way back to sober after having just spent a long time grieving over Sherlock’s supposed death (despite having started the story by almost shooting himself in the face).

Then Chapter 8 comes along and suddenly Moriarty’s father, James, has been doing secret behind-the-scenes international relations dealing with Mycroft and he’s basically Mycroft but…not quite? And his son was a crazy person but he knew it and hoped to control him even though he realized Jim was out of control? Also seriously, could you not go for something canonical, like James Moriarty’s brother James Moriarty? No, you had to bring in some fake father whose name is also James, what the fuck.

And then Chapter 11 happens and James is…going to take his vengeance out on Sherlock by roping John, Sherlock, and Irene into some weird deadly international Capture the Flag shit (btw the bullet was meant for Irene for some reason? She was being hunted by some anonymous sniper team and that’s why she stayed at Mycroft’s compound? And he didn’t realize she was a threat to John and Sherlock’s safety so he let her?). So the bulk of the story is the three of them off at their various super-personally meaningful places (Afghanistan, Amsterdam, and Minsk, respectively) engaging in these weird scavenger hunt things with a bunch of OCs I think I’m supposed to care about but I really really don’t.

I’m not just skimming the last five chapters (2125), I am legit skimming them, like reading maybe 47% of the text on the screen. This writing is so dull.

Oh god, I just skipped almost all of Chapter 22 and at the end Mycroft offers a job to the random OC who paired up with Sherlock in Amsterdam? He has no qualifications. Mycroft tells him he’s “proven himself more than qualified” and I don’t know why. Because he saved Sherlock’s life and has…good people-reading skills? Sort of? Gary Stu.

Naturally because these people all think they can write and are obsessed with porn, there’s porn, and fortunately for me there’s no emotional or narrative context contained within the porn so I can skip it all suuuuuper easily.

it’s not what you painted in my head

my mother is quite a lot like her mother.

i don’t know how she would react if i were to bring that up to her; i’m speaking mostly in…i would call them unflattering terms. at least, they aren’t traits i would want attributed to me.

specifically i’m thinking of her tendency to profusely swear and then exaggeratedly whine and whimper when she hurts herself in some minor way (e.g., stubbing her toe, accidentally touching a hot toaster, etc.) (i.e., draw attention to herself and attempt to elicit pity and/or sympathy), her desire for (edging into insistence upon) gifts for various holidays (treating them as a prerequisite, or a given, without any input; re: “I haven’t heard you mention anything you want” “Well you’ll just have to get creative,” which is quite unappealing and feels a little spoiled), her passive aggressiveness (occasionally), and her general stubbornness (especially involving remembered events, i.e., being unwilling to admit that she may be remembering an event wrongly until it is unequivocally demonstrated to be so).

fortunately she seems pretty amenable to taking her various medications, so i don’t think that will be a concern later on. but i don’t especially look forward to finding out.