drawn and quartered

I have a real hard time buying Olivia’s and Tucker’s relationship after his grilling her about Elliot’s “history of violence” during “Dependent” (s08e14). I mean, I have a bunch of issues with their relationship anyway, starting with their lack of chemistry (and the fact that apparently although I do have a little bit of an age difference kink, it seems to only carry in very specific M/M pairings), but like every single time he showed up in SVU prior to his popping up recently for apparently the sole purpose of pairing off with Liv, he’s been such an antagonistic dick.

plant my apple tree

ugh, thank god between each beat are words unsaid has short chapters and updates on an irregular schedule because it’s starting to get really boring. 143 installments so far and they’re just up to immediately pre-christmas at the holmes household (sherlock texting billy wiggins to adjust mary’s drug dose because she’s pregnant, and i won’t pretend that i’m not bored and annoyed by sherlock’s concern for “the little one” [which is incidentally quite unborn at this point, hence, not technically a human person; plus, kid!fic, you know]).

three throws for a buck

jesus fuck, so page 94 of kelley‘s damn “owan” comic has sherlock and john having sex (well, technically it’s just frottage) for the first time, and, like, two things, honeybear: there are ways to draw a super sexy comic that’s still not exactly nsfw (e.g., 花は咲くか 33 12, 17, 18, 22), and i get that your sherlock has some weirdo obsession with…licking john’s scar but scars do not look like massive craters in a person’s skin so what i’m getting from this is that you do not know how to shade. and this wasn’t one of my original issues but seriously, john’s face in the second panel looks kind of halfway between falling asleep and being very shy? probably he’s supposed to be overcome by lust or something but…no. it’s the eyes, i’m pretty sure, they’re too big or too wide or whatever.

and then page 97 has them actually having sex and like what the fuck are those first two panels? after an excessive amount of scrutinizing and head-tilting, i think the first panel is their shoes on the stairs and i think the second panel is their trousers on the floor, although i’m not actually sure and i don’t care enough to ask. also i’m pretty sure page 96 establishes that they’re in john’s room instead of sherlock’s because john has lube and condoms (i assume), but there’s no depiction of either prior to the sex. so like…nice try, but still no.

okay, for pages 98-101, i have an actual edit that i think would make the whole “censored sex” thing actually sexier: when sherlock says “touch me, please” and john says “where?” their faces should not be visible. like, draw them in their sexy mid-coitus postures with little sound effect speech bubbles, but for the little turning point moments like that one, the lines would not be said from a static position (especially sherlock’s, which has a comma), and by depicting them as such, they sound cheesy and forced like a bad porno. plus sherlock’s raised eyebrows make it look like a suggestion instead of a request or a plea. similarly, sherlock’s raised eyebrows in the last panel of page 98 make it look like he’s “blissed out” or whatever, but they’re still having sex and that’s physical and takes effort and might feel great but still requires exertion. save the delirium for the afterglow. and like…why the stars in the final panel? are they in space suddenly? it’s probably supposed to be atmospheric, i bet, but no, no no, so awkward. oh god, one of her tags is “i hope this doesn’t come off as super silly!!” and like, yeah, sorry to disappoint you.

apparently at 221b con, archia and michi, whoever that is, convinced kelley to call the sex in owan “special cuddles.” is that supposed to be cute or what, because it’s not, it’s dumb. not to mention it sounds like the pervy pedo version of sex (yeah, yeah, “Babysitting Cream,” i know, my secret shame). oh, “it sounds so me” she says, well, there you go. dumb.

for all of the things we’ve lost

this is hilarious.

someone asked benedictdaily when ben would be in nyc and she said she knew dr strange was filming there tomorrow but that was it. i commented, in the replies and everything, that dr strange is filming tomorrow from 5:00-20:00 at 28th street park avenue south (took me about two minutes to google, btw, and a further 30 seconds to google map the route from my apartment), and the next two comments are basically “oh that would be so cool i’d love to see him if only if only.”

like seriously, i don’t think you deserve it.

ETA: so i swung by 28th and park on sunday at about 12:30, because i know how to use the internet, and hung out on set, because i know how to chat with crew members, and became an extra, because i know how to lie. so like…you missed out, guys, seriously, and i don’t feel bad about it at all.