hatoful boyfriend

here we go again…

Chapter 15 of “I’d Probably Still Adore You With Your Hands Around My Neck.”

apparently this one is long-awaited or something. polite phrasing for “i’m trying to make myself sound important but actually this just took forever to update.”

right from the start:

In a very short amount of time, John Watson has become accustomed to many luxuries. [spoiler alert: they’re not luxuries.]

He’s become accustomed to waking up with dark curly hair tickling his cheek.

He’s become accustomed to a heated body cuddling close and keeping him warm.

He’s become accustomed to sleepy smiles and big yawns and long limbs stretching idly.

He’s become accustomed to a thin, pale, beautiful genius boy waking up in his bed. [this is just a weird sentence; either he’s thin and pale but beautiful nevertheless, or his thinness and paleness are part of his beauty, which makes john seem kind of, how to put it…shallow, i think. either way, those three adjectives don’t belong right together.]

John Watson has become accustomed to all of this, essentially [get that lazy shit out of here] expecting it now [actually this entire sentence fragment is superfluous], looking forward to it every single time he opens his eyes after a long night’s sleep.

So, the fact that not only did he get exactly none of it [them] this morning, but said [no] genius boy is exactly nowhere to be found and, quite frankly, John Watson is a bit put out. [1. “the fact that” he received none of those “luxuries” this morning, 2. “but” sherlock isn’t in bed or in the room, 3. “and” john is “a bit put out.” this sentence is…a grammatical train wreck.

[in seven paragraphs, sherlock goes from “roommate” to “lover” to “partner” to “boyfriend” without missing a beat. the terms seem to be used interchangeably; their relationship appears murky at best. and the entire beginning is about john freaking the fuck out when he wakes up and sherlock isn’t there, like, what the hell? either their relationship is really unstable or john is really controlling, and i don’t particularly want to read either option.]


[typo alert.

[i won’t get too deep into it, but mike stamford comes off as one hell of an annoying bastard. he’s overly enthusiastic and really pushy, i don’t like him at all.]

“Might I ask you the same question?” Mycroft lobs back with a brow raise. [whaaat…]

“I was invited,” Sherlock replies smugly.

“As was I,” Holmes the elder retorts.

[what the fuck…]

“Strike one there, little Holmes,” Greg glares, wagging a finger in the genius boy’s direction, who doesn’t seem affected by the scolding in the least.

[not only am i nauseated at the thought of greg saying something this stupid, the descriptive part of the sentence is a clumsy mashup of amateur writing tropes that i’d hope one would grow out of by marrying age. also later on greg says “Johnny Boy” and i hate this story so much.

[then they play football and it’s pretty boring. apparently sherlock played in secondary and to everyone’s shock, he’s really good.]

“That was ridiculous,” John gasps as they find their way to their room, whipping the door open and pulling Sherlock inside hastily, thanking his past self for turning the heat up a notch before they left. “That was the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever done.” [i’m really uncomfortable at how similar this is to the exchange in asip, although i suspect the similarity is intentional.]

“That can’t be accurate,” Sherlock argues breathlessly, curls no longer curling as they flatten wetly against his forehead, the grin on his face shining like the sun. [actually since sherlock’s curls are natural, his hair probably would still be curly after coming in from the rain.] “You’re a uni student. Surely you’ve done more ridiculous things than run through a rainstorm.”

“That’s true,” John says, turning his damp face up toward the ceiling as if considering. “I mean I did snog my bloody gorgeous roommate senseless last night. That was pretty ridiculous.” [oh, please. someone fetch me a sick bag.]

The already pink-cheeked boy in front of him [so roundabout! so unwieldy!] goes entirely red and John warms at the sight. “Yes,” Sherlock agrees, ducking his head a bit. “Pretty ridiculous.” [i’m getting shades of “pretty damn smart” and feeling similarly uncomfortable.

[tl;dr sherlock is wet so john strips him and they’re incapable of not having sex. i assume the writing is as poor to mediocre as i’ve come to expect, but honestly, i couldn’t bring myself to read too closely. or at all.

[alright, just this one more:]

“Oh Christ oooh Christ, Sher-lock I – … I – I –”

this story is so bad…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s