so mssmithlove1 asked for prompts, again, i don’t think because she has any intention of actually writing any of them but because she just wants to trade them with other teenlock fans? anyway i sent in a direct ripoff of “Little Girl in the Big Ten” (oh no! report cards are sent home and genius sherlock is failing phys ed! but coach won’t fail him if he…joins a school team, i admit i didn’t want to default to that fucking “sherlock sucks at gym but john is enraptured by his beautiful ballet skills” trope) and her response isn’t to comment on the scenario itself (which is actually pretty thoroughly laid out) but that athlete!john and ballet/nerd!sherlock is her favorite teenlock trope. and like…that’s nice? but it’s also the only one that’s consistent with bbc canon. we know john played rugby and we know sherlock was mocked for his intelligence, so, you know. it’s basically the most unoriginal fanon-that’s-actually-canon you could come up with.
and seriously i lifted it right out of The Simpsons. not only that, seven other dorks decided to enable her by “Liking” it, and two of them reblogged it as well (sans tags, oh well), so, good times. go me.
so after the absolute shitshow that was grandma’s birthday “celebration” a few days ago, when i brushed off stuart’s friend denise, i got to thinking (i think again? this can’t be the first time i’ve had this impression) about family. specifically familial obligations, even more specifically the seeming obligation that people have to love their family members.
i don’t like stuart. as far as i know, i’ve never liked stuart. i definitely have never liked sussie, but she’s family by marriage so i don’t think that counts as much. anyway i don’t like stuart, and he doesn’t really seem to like me either, or if he does, he has a weird way of showing it. i mean, he’s quiet, he’s awkward, he stutters like he needs speech therapy, he’s obstinate and close-minded, and i do not like him. also he smells weird, which is just off-putting. he was all chatty with denise, though, when they were reminiscing about high school or talking about their common friends or whatever they were doing (i wasn’t paying attention), so i have to imagine that he’s got, like, a friendly version of his awful personality, but i don’t know if it’s only turned on by nostalgia or what, because if that’s the case, i definitely don’t have access.
on a related note, i don’t like denise, either. i mean yeah i just met her for the first time a couple days ago, but i immediately didn’t like her; call it the bad aura effect or something like that, she put me off real hard. she’s loud and chatty and smiley and pretty much the exact opposite of everyone i get along with.
this circles back to the notion of familial obligation. i didn’t want to go to this stupid “party,” i never like socializing with stuart, i had no particular inclination to meet his friend (who actually i didn’t know was going to be there, come to think of it), but i was forced to do all these things because my mother is my mother and stuart is my uncle and grandma is my grandma and denise is stuart’s friend from high school. i was forced into this event in which i was profoundly unhappy and expected to keep up this veneer of being somehow not profoundly unhappy because they’re family and i’m supposed to love them. and the result of that love is i think supposed to be a desire to make them happy? or like, be nice to them?
i didn’t sign up for this shit. mom and i make friends with very different kinds of people; pretty much everyone from luzerne is a fucking psycho, and i can’t stand laura, who actually reminds me (now that i think of it) a lot of stuart. i wonder if that’s why she and mom get on so well.
anyway after two days of this awkwardness of mom being in a bad mood for reasons unspecified (although i strongly suspected it was because of this), she comes into my room and says she’ll be derelict in her duties as a mother and doing us both a disservice (or something, i was already kind of zoning) if we don’t talk about how super rude i was. then she rambles on and on for seriously about five minutes with some recounting of the incident, and fyi, i do remember it, and “not if i can help it” is not a one word answer, so, fuck you. i also remember what i was thinking at the time, which was basically, “i don’t want to be involved in this conversation that seems to be carrying on just fine without me and why are you trying to bring me into it when i’m so clearly doing something else,” but that’s kind of indefensible to someone who’s already decided i was very very rude, so i went with the good old “i remember the event but i don’t remember what my motivation was so that’s gonna get you nowhere.” some grade-a “regret,” i’ll-try-harder-in-the-future, and all i have to do now is hope she gets the fuck over it sooner rather than later because this is getting really boring to live with.
and, you know what, i try to talk to stuart. i ask him questions about things which don’t remotely interest me because i’m trying to engage him in conversation. i ask him about himself. he doesn’t reciprocate. he doesn’t have emotions, he has like, awkward laughter and awkward atonal speech that he alternates between. and, what the fuck is this “you don’t ask people about themselves” bullshit, i definitely do ask people about themselves. i can converse with other human beings in a seeming-to-have-interest-in-them sort of way even though i absolutely don’t, and it’s tiring, okay? it’s hard and it makes me tired and it makes me unhappy and i don’t like to do it, but i do, because that’s how you be social. i wonder if she ever talks to stuart about how he doesn’t converse with me? i kind of really doubt it! she’s not responsible for shaping his behavior. not that she’s responsible for shaping mine either, but he seems to get a pass somehow, either because he’s her brother or because “that’s just how he is” (worst excuse ever).
so part of the reason this is all culminating in my brain the way it is is that thanks to my sociopathy or asperger’s or whatever the fuck, i actually feel…nothing about any of this. mom said something about not wanting to bring it up because she doesn’t want to make me feel bad when i’m feeling good about something, and i’m like hold the fuck up, what on earth do you think i’m feeling good about right now, i exist in an undulating state of wanting to die, although i think what i said was closer to “don’t worry, i’m not feeling good about anything right now,” which you might think would be something she’d want to follow up on? but no. oh, shit, i wonder if she thinks i’m feeling bad about the way i acted, ’cause that’s…not it.
whatever, so i said i’d try to act better in the future and she’s all worried because she knows i can fake it when i want to but she thinks it’ll negatively impact my future in the jobs market if i can’t do it all the time or something? and like, no, i can do it whenever i want to, it’s just that i don’t usually want to do it around family. because that is an obligation, and all i’m getting out of it is maintaining the status quo and making them feel good, which is frankly not something i’m particularly interested in. you guys made the decision to have a child, okay, and if your child is depressed and sociopathic and has occasional suicidal ideation, well, maybe you fucked up somewhere along the line, huh? derelict in your duties as a mom, indeed.
you know what this is doing is just making me more antisocial. if i can’t let down my guard around family, if i have to keep up the fake act whenever i’m in social situations, all that’s gonna do is make me more inclined to avoid social situations, especially those in which i’m not directly benefiting.
ooooh, unintended consequences…
alright alright, so i just recently started getting into moreid, and while criminal minds is a good enough show, i think this is one of those instances wherein i prefer the fanon to the source material; like, the cases are interesting from a somewhat deranged perspective, and i like all the characters (no, really), but moreid is the only relationship i actually care about.
but, and here’s the rub, criminal minds seems to have a disproportionately high number of reader insertion fic in its cache. ew ew ew. i always think of that as like a direct link to the world of twilight and assorted other shit, but like…seriously what the fuck, these people are sick.
here we go again…
Chapter 15 of “I’d Probably Still Adore You With Your Hands Around My Neck.”
apparently this one is long-awaited or something. polite phrasing for “i’m trying to make myself sound important but actually this just took forever to update.”
right from the start:
In a very short amount of time, John Watson has become accustomed to many luxuries. [spoiler alert: they’re not luxuries.]
He’s become accustomed to waking up with dark curly hair tickling his cheek.
He’s become accustomed to a heated body cuddling close and keeping him warm.
He’s become accustomed to sleepy smiles and big yawns and long limbs stretching idly.
He’s become accustomed to a thin, pale, beautiful genius boy waking up in his bed. [this is just a weird sentence; either he’s thin and pale but beautiful nevertheless, or his thinness and paleness are part of his beauty, which makes john seem kind of, how to put it…shallow, i think. either way, those three adjectives don’t belong right together.]
John Watson has become accustomed to all of this, essentially [get that lazy shit out of here] expecting it now [actually this entire sentence fragment is superfluous], looking forward to it every single time he opens his eyes after a long night’s sleep.
So, the fact that not only did he get exactly none of it [them] this morning, but said [no] genius boy is exactly nowhere to be found and, quite frankly, John Watson is a bit put out. [1. “the fact that” he received none of those “luxuries” this morning, 2. “but” sherlock isn’t in bed or in the room, 3. “and” john is “a bit put out.” this sentence is…a grammatical train wreck.
[in seven paragraphs, sherlock goes from “roommate” to “lover” to “partner” to “boyfriend” without missing a beat. the terms seem to be used interchangeably; their relationship appears murky at best. and the entire beginning is about john freaking the fuck out when he wakes up and sherlock isn’t there, like, what the hell? either their relationship is really unstable or john is really controlling, and i don’t particularly want to read either option.]
“BY OUR FEARLESS LEADER OF COURE!”
[i won’t get too deep into it, but mike stamford comes off as one hell of an annoying bastard. he’s overly enthusiastic and really pushy, i don’t like him at all.]
“Might I ask you the same question?” Mycroft lobs back with a brow raise. [whaaat…]
“I was invited,” Sherlock replies smugly.
“As was I,” Holmes the elder retorts.
[what the fuck…]
“Strike one there, little Holmes,” Greg glares, wagging a finger in the genius boy’s direction, who doesn’t seem affected by the scolding in the least.
[not only am i nauseated at the thought of greg saying something this stupid, the descriptive part of the sentence is a clumsy mashup of amateur writing tropes that i’d hope one would grow out of by marrying age. also later on greg says “Johnny Boy” and i hate this story so much.
[then they play football and it’s pretty boring. apparently sherlock played in secondary and to everyone’s shock, he’s really good.]
“That was ridiculous,” John gasps as they find their way to their room, whipping the door open and pulling Sherlock inside hastily, thanking his past self for turning the heat up a notch before they left. “That was the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever done.” [i’m really uncomfortable at how similar this is to the exchange in asip, although i suspect the similarity is intentional.]
“That can’t be accurate,” Sherlock argues breathlessly, curls no longer curling as they flatten wetly against his forehead, the grin on his face shining like the sun. [actually since sherlock’s curls are natural, his hair probably would still be curly after coming in from the rain.] “You’re a uni student. Surely you’ve done more ridiculous things than run through a rainstorm.”
“That’s true,” John says, turning his damp face up toward the ceiling as if considering. “I mean I did snog my bloody gorgeous roommate senseless last night. That was pretty ridiculous.” [oh, please. someone fetch me a sick bag.]
The already pink-cheeked boy in front of him [so roundabout! so unwieldy!] goes entirely red and John warms at the sight. “Yes,” Sherlock agrees, ducking his head a bit. “Pretty ridiculous.” [i’m getting shades of “pretty damn smart” and feeling similarly uncomfortable.
[tl;dr sherlock is wet so john strips him and they’re incapable of not having sex. i assume the writing is as poor to mediocre as i’ve come to expect, but honestly, i couldn’t bring myself to read too closely. or at all.
[alright, just this one more:]
“Oh Christ oooh Christ, Sher-lock I – … I – I –”
this story is so bad…
skulls-and-tea posted something yesterday that struck me as kind of hurtful; i don’t think it was intended as such because of the way it was worded, i.e., “please don’t disown me but,” but it was kind of…illuminating?
so she doesn’t watch yuri on ice, obviously, and i gather is sick of seeing her friends posting all about it thirty times a day and wants to get it off her dash.
there are three ways to go about this and they’re all insanely obvious: one, install xkit, blacklist every yoi term you come across, and manually block any yoi post you see that isn’t tagged properly; two, unfollow anyone who posts too much yoi content for your tastes; three, suck it up and deal.
look, i don’t pitch a fit every time a new marvel movie comes out and all y’all are posting stucky shit every other minute like it’s the biggest thing since sliced bread. if you want to stay but really don’t know how to navigate tumblr, which i doubt because of her massive content and integral role in the sherlock fandom, then learn. or get off, if it’s really that aggravating. but don’t get all public with your negativity (that’s what it is; it could’ve been indifference or aversion if you’d only kept your damn mouth shut) about something that’s clearly really important to a lot of people. and you know what else, it’s not like the sherlock fandom doesn’t do this; i’ve seen so many edits of ben and martin at that goddamn premiere that i’m actually getting sick of it. i normally quite like the two of them together, being friends, getting along, laughing, et cetera, but i am done with that event! i mean god, i get it.
(yes, i appreciate the irony.)
on the other hand, it gave me a great excuse to unfollow her; i didn’t do it right away, but the more i thought about it, the more i realized that her content isn’t really important to me. any quotes she posts that are “required reading” will be picked up by someone who I do still follow, and most of her posts are actually just reblogs of stuff she’s posted in the past, from as far back as 2010 or even the same day. actually, now that i’m writing this out, i really was getting sick of seeing her on my dash, and i haven’t really read any of her posts top to bottom in quite awhile.
huh. go figure that.
and here’s something i’ve been dwelling on recently: in combination with my wariness over the yoi and sherlock fandoms potentially intermixing, i wonder if some of my recent resistance to the sherlock fandom is in part due to their growing adoration for amanda and mary. i still haven’t forgotten the shitstorm amanda stirred up when she first joined the show and started posting all those defensive rants on twitter, and i also haven’t forgotten how unimpressed i was with her acting at first blush (or second or third). i’ve never, ever found her physically attractive, and as more behind-the-scenes and event photos come out, more and more people are talking about how hot they find her, which i don’t understand at all. it’s not even that this is the opposite of a talent crush, i just don’t think she’s pretty. of course, i don’t think martin’s especially attractive either, and plenty of them are “thirsting” over him at every turn, so maybe the two are related.
right. i have to remember to divorce myself from the exclusionary and divisive (and occasionally toxic) fandom, absorb all their meta-analyses for my own edification, and remember that i love this show on its own merits.
so this motherfucker literally just called yuri on ice “a Schrodinger’s Cat more dubious than Sherlock.” apparently victor and yuuri “make romantic and erotic gestures towards one another all the time but never mention to be more than coach/pupil?” did you not see the airport reunion scene? did you not hear yuuri ask victor to take care of him until his retirement? did you not hear victor respond that that sounds like a marriage proposal and that he hopes yuuri never retires? did you not use your sherlock-honed research and analysis skills to learn about japanese culture and discover that it kind of was a marriage proposal?
she goes on to complain that “You don’t now [sic] if they are in a relationship or not? Though they hug and once kinda kissed, the narrative (and one of the men) behaves as they may only be friends???” seriously woman what the fuck show are you watching, because it definitely isn’t the one that i’m watching. they hug a lot, actually (and don’t forget about the finger-lacing yuuri does! that is an intimate gesture that couples do!), and though kubo-sensei refuses to confirm it publicly, anyone with two eyes and two or more brain cells to rub together can see that they kissed. they were in a very, very public setting, and it was their first kiss, so it wasn’t as, let’s say “obvious” as it might have been in your standard m/f romantic comedy, but take it from me and the rest of the watching-with-our-brains-turned-on fandom, cupcake: they kissed.
oh i’m sorry, did you want something more obvious? how about their exchange of rings and verbal confirmation of engagement? when phichit tries to congratulate them on their marriage, victor says to everyone at the table that they’re engagement rings and yuuri does not deny it for a second. victor goes on to say that yuuri gives him life and love, which he has been neglecting for over 20 years, i.e., at least his entire skating career if not his entire life.
“I am very confused about it though I wanted to love it in an ‘open queer representation’ glory…”
gosh, i didn’t realize you needed them to fuck onscreen to make it clear to you.
see, this is why i’m so wary of people traversing into yuri on ice from the sherlock fandom. yeah, some of them probably have anime backgrounds, but how many know much of anything about japanese culture? how many are willing to learn, or dedicate as much energy to their support of the show and fandom as they do to sherlock? these shits will research from one end of the library to the other to dissect the meaning of a torch in a fruit bowl behind a chessboard but the idea that japanese cultural norms deviate sharply from american or european ones? no, i’m afraid that’s the limit of my knowledge bank, sorry, calling it quits at the station!
get out of my house with this fuckery.