hatoful boyfriend

here we go again…

Chapter 15 of “I’d Probably Still Adore You With Your Hands Around My Neck.”

apparently this one is long-awaited or something. polite phrasing for “i’m trying to make myself sound important but actually this just took forever to update.”

right from the start:

In a very short amount of time, John Watson has become accustomed to many luxuries. [spoiler alert: they’re not luxuries.]

He’s become accustomed to waking up with dark curly hair tickling his cheek.

He’s become accustomed to a heated body cuddling close and keeping him warm.

He’s become accustomed to sleepy smiles and big yawns and long limbs stretching idly.

He’s become accustomed to a thin, pale, beautiful genius boy waking up in his bed. [this is just a weird sentence; either he’s thin and pale but beautiful nevertheless, or his thinness and paleness are part of his beauty, which makes john seem kind of, how to put it…shallow, i think. either way, those three adjectives don’t belong right together.]

John Watson has become accustomed to all of this, essentially [get that lazy shit out of here] expecting it now [actually this entire sentence fragment is superfluous], looking forward to it every single time he opens his eyes after a long night’s sleep.

So, the fact that not only did he get exactly none of it [them] this morning, but said [no] genius boy is exactly nowhere to be found and, quite frankly, John Watson is a bit put out. [1. “the fact that” he received none of those “luxuries” this morning, 2. “but” sherlock isn’t in bed or in the room, 3. “and” john is “a bit put out.” this sentence is…a grammatical train wreck.

[in seven paragraphs, sherlock goes from “roommate” to “lover” to “partner” to “boyfriend” without missing a beat. the terms seem to be used interchangeably; their relationship appears murky at best. and the entire beginning is about john freaking the fuck out when he wakes up and sherlock isn’t there, like, what the hell? either their relationship is really unstable or john is really controlling, and i don’t particularly want to read either option.]

“BY OUR FEARLESS LEADER OF COURE!”

[typo alert.

[i won’t get too deep into it, but mike stamford comes off as one hell of an annoying bastard. he’s overly enthusiastic and really pushy, i don’t like him at all.]

“Might I ask you the same question?” Mycroft lobs back with a brow raise. [whaaat…]

“I was invited,” Sherlock replies smugly.

“As was I,” Holmes the elder retorts.

[what the fuck…]

“Strike one there, little Holmes,” Greg glares, wagging a finger in the genius boy’s direction, who doesn’t seem affected by the scolding in the least.

[not only am i nauseated at the thought of greg saying something this stupid, the descriptive part of the sentence is a clumsy mashup of amateur writing tropes that i’d hope one would grow out of by marrying age. also later on greg says “Johnny Boy” and i hate this story so much.

[then they play football and it’s pretty boring. apparently sherlock played in secondary and to everyone’s shock, he’s really good.]

“That was ridiculous,” John gasps as they find their way to their room, whipping the door open and pulling Sherlock inside hastily, thanking his past self for turning the heat up a notch before they left. “That was the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever done.” [i’m really uncomfortable at how similar this is to the exchange in asip, although i suspect the similarity is intentional.]

“That can’t be accurate,” Sherlock argues breathlessly, curls no longer curling as they flatten wetly against his forehead, the grin on his face shining like the sun. [actually since sherlock’s curls are natural, his hair probably would still be curly after coming in from the rain.] “You’re a uni student. Surely you’ve done more ridiculous things than run through a rainstorm.”

“That’s true,” John says, turning his damp face up toward the ceiling as if considering. “I mean I did snog my bloody gorgeous roommate senseless last night. That was pretty ridiculous.” [oh, please. someone fetch me a sick bag.]

The already pink-cheeked boy in front of him [so roundabout! so unwieldy!] goes entirely red and John warms at the sight. “Yes,” Sherlock agrees, ducking his head a bit. “Pretty ridiculous.” [i’m getting shades of “pretty damn smart” and feeling similarly uncomfortable.

[tl;dr sherlock is wet so john strips him and they’re incapable of not having sex. i assume the writing is as poor to mediocre as i’ve come to expect, but honestly, i couldn’t bring myself to read too closely. or at all.

[alright, just this one more:]

“Oh Christ oooh Christ, Sher-lock I – … I – I –”

this story is so bad…

saturn’s rings

skulls-and-tea posted something yesterday that struck me as kind of hurtful; i don’t think it was intended as such because of the way it was worded, i.e., “please don’t disown me but,” but it was kind of…illuminating?

so she doesn’t watch yuri on ice, obviously, and i gather is sick of seeing her friends posting all about it thirty times a day and wants to get it off her dash.

there are three ways to go about this and they’re all insanely obvious: one, install xkit, blacklist every yoi term you come across, and manually block any yoi post you see that isn’t tagged properly; two, unfollow anyone who posts too much yoi content for your tastes; three, suck it up and deal.

look, i don’t pitch a fit every time a new marvel movie comes out and all y’all are posting stucky shit every other minute like it’s the biggest thing since sliced bread. if you want to stay but really don’t know how to navigate tumblr, which i doubt because of her massive content and integral role in the sherlock fandom, then learn. or get off, if it’s really that aggravating. but don’t get all public with your negativity (that’s what it is; it could’ve been indifference or aversion if you’d only kept your damn mouth shut) about something that’s clearly really important to a lot of people. and you know what else, it’s not like the sherlock fandom doesn’t do this; i’ve seen so many edits of ben and martin at that goddamn premiere that i’m actually getting sick of it. i normally quite like the two of them together, being friends, getting along, laughing, et cetera, but i am done with that event! i mean god, i get it.

(yes, i appreciate the irony.)

on the other hand, it gave me a great excuse to unfollow her; i didn’t do it right away, but the more i thought about it, the more i realized that her content isn’t really important to me. any quotes she posts that are “required reading” will be picked up by someone who I do still follow, and most of her posts are actually just reblogs of stuff she’s posted in the past, from as far back as 2010 or even the same day. actually, now that i’m writing this out, i really was getting sick of seeing her on my dash, and i haven’t really read any of her posts top to bottom in quite awhile.

huh. go figure that.

and here’s something i’ve been dwelling on recently: in combination with my wariness over the yoi and sherlock fandoms potentially intermixing, i wonder if some of my recent resistance to the sherlock fandom is in part due to their growing adoration for amanda and mary. i still haven’t forgotten the shitstorm amanda stirred up when she first joined the show and started posting all those defensive rants on twitter, and i also haven’t forgotten how unimpressed i was with her acting at first blush (or second or third). i’ve never, ever found her physically attractive, and as more behind-the-scenes and event photos come out, more and more people are talking about how hot they find her, which i don’t understand at all. it’s not even that this is the opposite of a talent crush, i just don’t think she’s pretty. of course, i don’t think martin’s especially attractive either, and plenty of them are “thirsting” over him at every turn, so maybe the two are related.

right. i have to remember to divorce myself from the exclusionary and divisive (and occasionally toxic) fandom, absorb all their meta-analyses for my own edification, and remember that i love this show on its own merits.

katsudon

so this motherfucker literally just called yuri on ice “a Schrodinger’s Cat more dubious than Sherlock.” apparently victor and yuuri “make romantic and erotic gestures towards one another all the time but never mention to be more than coach/pupil?” did you not see the airport reunion scene? did you not hear yuuri ask victor to take care of him until his retirement? did you not hear victor respond that that sounds like a marriage proposal and that he hopes yuuri never retires? did you not use your sherlock-honed research and analysis skills to learn about japanese culture and discover that it kind of was a marriage proposal?

she goes on to complain that “You don’t now [sic] if they are in a relationship or not? Though they hug and once kinda kissed, the narrative (and one of the men) behaves as they may only be friends???” seriously woman what the fuck show are you watching, because it definitely isn’t the one that i’m watching. they hug a lot, actually (and don’t forget about the finger-lacing yuuri does! that is an intimate gesture that couples do!), and though kubo-sensei refuses to confirm it publicly, anyone with two eyes and two or more brain cells to rub together can see that they kissed. they were in a very, very public setting, and it was their first kiss, so it wasn’t as, let’s say “obvious” as it might have been in your standard m/f romantic comedy, but take it from me and the rest of the watching-with-our-brains-turned-on fandom, cupcake: they kissed.

oh i’m sorry, did you want something more obvious? how about their exchange of rings and verbal confirmation of engagement? when phichit tries to congratulate them on their marriage, victor says to everyone at the table that they’re engagement rings and yuuri does not deny it for a second. victor goes on to say that yuuri gives him life and love, which he has been neglecting for over 20 years, i.e., at least his entire skating career if not his entire life.

“I am very confused about it though I wanted to love it in an ‘open queer representation’ glory…”

gosh, i didn’t realize you needed them to fuck onscreen to make it clear to you.

see, this is why i’m so wary of people traversing into yuri on ice from the sherlock fandom. yeah, some of them probably have anime backgrounds, but how many know much of anything about japanese culture? how many are willing to learn, or dedicate as much energy to their support of the show and fandom as they do to sherlock? these shits will research from one end of the library to the other to dissect the meaning of a torch in a fruit bowl behind a chessboard but the idea that japanese cultural norms deviate sharply from american or european ones? no, i’m afraid that’s the limit of my knowledge bank, sorry, calling it quits at the station!

get out of my house with this fuckery.

i’ll wait in the car

mssmithlove1
2016.12.06 0:14

livinginwndrlnd asked: Excuse me I just read that you’re doing a Christmas fic and I woke my doggies ultimate from the sound I made!!! I’ve read all your work. THANK YOU FOR CONTINUING TO WRITE. You’re an ANGEL! I adore you’re writing! I’m so excited !!!!!! 🐝🌻

🙈🙈🙈 oh my goodness THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE! 🙊🙊🙊 Thank you for being excited for the Christmas story and thank you so so SO MUCH for reading my work!! I’m so thankful for readers like you! XOXOX!

i have a feeling…that this person’s ask is probably quite representative of the sort of person who thinks highly of her work? i mean…”I woke my doggies ultimate”? what, what does that mean, i don’t…i don’t get it. but of course mostly i’m talking about “I adore you’re writing” because come on now, your/you’re is something a person really ought to stop fucking up after like…second grade? i don’t know, very soon.

also is that a space after “excited” and before all those exclamation points? well, that’s a new one.

dormammu

2016.11.10 21:00

“I know I should probably let go now,“ John whispers, still hovering near, breath ghosting along his damp skin like another soft kiss, making Sherlock’s insides melt into a gooey puddle. “I know I should remove my hands and step back, maybe even step across the room, probably leave entirely but…”

Sherlock holds his breath, still too afraid to open his eyes, too afraid to look, too afraid of shattering this entire moment and waking up from a beautiful dream.

“But I… I can’t,” John murmurs and another gentle kiss is dropped to Sherlock’s lips, as if John can’t keep himself from kissing him. “I can’t because if this is… if this is all that I get, I need it to last. I need to keep this moment for as long as you’ll let me have it. I don’t want to stop-”

—Mssmithlove, I’d Probably Still Adore You With Your Hands Around My Neck

sigh.

“breath ghosting along his damp skin like another soft kiss”?

i get the “breath ghosting across his…skin” thing, that’s a common enough fanfiction trope, but his damp skin? somehow that makes his breath itself seem foul, and now i’m imagining everything all sticky and cold and gross. and now i’m thinking of a dead fish. so gross.

and what do you mean, “like another soft kiss”? sure, obviously they kissed prior to this passage, but breath doesn’t emulate even the softest kiss unless it’s really, really soft, like, teasing and unsatisfying kind of soft. on the surface i guess the image sounds romantic but at any review it completely falls apart.

“insides melt into a gooey puddle,” ew. just ew. that’s all i’ve got for that. ew.

but this is the thing that tipped me over the edge: “I know I should remove my hands.”

no one, literally no one, would ever say that in a sexual setting. i mean, no one. ever. ever ever. even “step back” is pushing it. the only way i can even hear a person saying that is as part of an instruction or direction, like “remove your hands from the heat shield” or “please step back.” no one says “step” in conversation. it’s not a thing that happens. “step across the room,” what kind of bullshit is that? that’s awful, awful dialogue, is what that is.

ugh, “another gentle kiss is dropped to Sherlock’s lips”? what the fuck is that? john’s now an ethereal being, is that it? kisses have suddenly taken independent physical form and become distinct objects? it’s not that hard, look:

“But I… I can’t,” John murmurs, dropping another gentle kiss to Sherlock’s lips as if he can’t help himself.

see? it’s shorter, it’s clearer, it’s easier, it’s better. it took me about three seconds to type the alterations.

also, “I need to keep this moment for as long as you’ll let me have it,” john can keep the moment forever because “keeping” the moment means fixing it in his memory. what he means (or she means, i guess, if we’re to give the author credit) is that he wants to keep the moment going for as long as sherlock will let him.

moron.

tortured

mssmithlove1
2016.10.08 19:59

anonymous asked: “great. perfect. nice. fuck this.”

“great. perfect. nice. fuck this.”

No. No no no. No. No.

The lump that lodges itself in his throat renders Sherlock unable to speak, unable to breathe, unable to beg John not to go, not to assume what he’s obviously assuming, the pain climbing exponentially with every silently passing moment as John yanks his jacket on.

He can’t leave. Not again. Please. God, please.

“You know what,” John growls as he flicks the collar of his jacket back (flicks the collar back or flicks it up?) and jabs a finger in Sherlock’s direction. “Next time, don’t bother calling, alright? I thought… I don’t know what I thought, but it was obviously wrong so please, in the future, just leave me the hell out of it.”

“John,” Sherlock croaks, standing helplessly in front of his chair, hands fluttering uselessly upward and then back down to his sides, (his) entire body seeming to have absolutely no idea how to proceed. (you mean his body as controlled by his brain? i.e., the only thing with any control over the limbs and so forth? also i have a bit of trouble imagining sherlock’s “hands fluttering uselessly upward and then back down to his sides.” shy baby deer sherlock alert!)

John can’t leave 221B. Not again. Please. (there’s a difference between pointed word repetition and a complete lack of finesse.)

“No.” John shakes his head, turning his back on Sherlock and storming toward the door. “No I won’t continue to follow you down dark alleyways and into danger zones and happily patch you up afterward only to leave you here alone. I’m not going to be your sodding sidekick anymore just so you can get your fucking kicks.” (straight from “sodding” to “fucking” in the same sentence, huh?) He grabs the door handle and if John Watson (what the fuck is with this woman and her need to include John’s full name in the narrative where it really doesn’t belong?) weren’t silently seething, were instead banging and stomping and making more noise in his fury, then Sherlock wouldn’t have heard (random tense shift!) what fell from his lips next. (ugh, i hate this turn of phrase.)

The words that finally break Sherlock’s muteness. (so did i hallucinate that “John” a few paragraphs back?)

“It’s not enough for me anymore.”

And as far as Sherlock is concerned, it’s like a bomb going off.

And before John can twist the handle and flee the room, Sherlock is looming over him, palm pressing flat against the door to keep it closed, to keep John in, to keep them together because that is all Sherlock has ever wanted in his life and so help him god if he’s going to screw this up again. (this sentence doesn’t really…end. “god help him if he screws this up again” would be the proper way to handle it and she doesn’t have the cred to be screwing with rules of grammar like that. especially in ways that are just clumsy and weird.)

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs down to the army doctor (ugh no), his army doctor (ugh no), his John that is (who’s) now within reach again both physically and emotionally, his friend that’s (who’s) gone through hell and back: a scam of a marriage, a fake baby, a divorce to end all divorces, the love of Sherlock’s life is here and he’s back and he’s alive and Sherlock will be damned if he fucks this up again.

John doesn’t move, shoulders rising and falling quicker than before, eyes trained on the door.

“I’m sorry,” Sherlock whispers again, the last word slipping into a breathless plea, ruffling John’s fringe at the tip of his ear, and Sherlock only realizes how close they are as he watches a fine shiver race down John’s spine. (how could he possibly not realize how close they are, he’s looming over him.)

“Don’t…don’t do that again,” John growls and Sherlock isn’t sure what he’s referring to but John is turning toward him and Sherlock’s hand is falling from the door and to the center of John’s shoulder blades, pulling him to his chest without a second thought. “I can’t… I can’t lose you again, Sherlock.”

“I’m sorry,” Sherlock breathes with a hitch as John’s strong arms wind around his waist and a blond head settles against his chest. (that’s a very disturbing image.)

“I don’t want to keep doing this,” John mutters into his sternum. “I don’t want to run all over London with you and see you get hurt and then…then have to leave you again. I don’t… I can’t.”

“John,” Sherlock only manages to get out around a sob because suddenly his whole world is no longer shattered, suddenly his entire life is no longer in shambles because John, beautiful wonderful John wants to come home and it’s… (sherlock is more than his relationship with john.)

God.

It’s everything. (she is obsessed with this phrase and it sucks.)

“Stay,” Sherlock whispers in his ear, daring to press a kiss to John’s temple. “Please…please stay. Please stay here with me.”

There is a long moment of silence, possibly the longest moment Sherlock has ever had to endure and then John is giving him the gentlest of squeezes, still wrapped in his arms, still holding on for dear life.

In the end, it only takes one word.

One simple, easy word.

“Okay.”

alright, i admit i sent in this prompt and i admit i was trying to press her to produce something that didn’t end in hollow sap and groundless sentimentality and i further admit that i didn’t think she would be able to do it.

so turns out i was super right.

not only do i have no idea what the tipping point was that caused john to threaten to leave, but sherlock’s efforts to keep him from going are dangerously close to emotional manipulation. i know their relationship isn’t the healthiest on the block, but this portrayal is practically abusive.

i’m doing what i can

mssmithlove1
2016.10.04 20:58

I was lucky enough to get to commission one of my very favorite artists and wonderful wonderful friends @alifetimeaheadtoprovethat AND LOOK WHAT SHE DELIVERED!!! LIKE LOOK AT THIS GORGEOUS PIECE OF WORK!! LOOOOOOK!!!! THE BEAUTIFUL STARRY NIGHT REPLICA AND THE PRECIOUS TO DO LIST AND THE BEES AND OUR PRECIOUS BABIES CUDDLING AND EVERYONE PLEASE LOOK RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I CANNOT GET OVER THIS BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF ART

THANK YOU MY DARLING FRIEND GIO THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!!!

i don’t…i don’t understand… this picture is…um, terrible. their faces are like, melting, and there’s so little shading that i thought there was no shading…but they’re in bed, at night, when there are lots of shadows, because it’s dark outside, so unless they’re in a windowless room with bright lighting, there should be…lots of shading…

also why is “starry night” fucking everywhere? the poster, the pillows, and the blanket? is this referencing some awful fic i’ve never read? and don’t think i didn’t notice the photos on the wall there, and the fucking valentine’s day lover bees, because that all reeks of exactly what i’ve been talking about with shy baby deer sherlock being lost entirely in his relationship with john and how totally stupid that is as a plot device.